Rice, rice, baby.

After roughly a week of death, my iPhone now lives again. I feel like I lost an appendage and it grew back. I might not wish that feeling on my worst enemy, let alone any of you, my friends. So without further ado, I give you:

STEPS TO REVIVING THE iPHONE YOUR DAUGHTER DROPPED IN A TOILET

1. Die a little inside.

2. Reassure daughter that the look of death on your face is not directed at her.

3. Search the screen for signs of life. Try not to cry.
4. Power down.

5. Take the phone to the nearest air compressor (e.g., your grandfather's garage). Apply liberally.

6. Stick the phone in a bowl or baggie of uncooked rice.
7. Mention the fiasco on facebook, asking for advice. Get 1053 responses recommending the rice plan.

8. Wait 36 or more hours. Pray a lot.

9. Hold your breath as you try to turn on your phone again. 

10. Try not to cry as it does nothing in response.

11. Attempt to charge.

12. Try not to weep as the screen still looks dimmed, flashy, full of lines, and vaguely destroyed while charging.

13. Power down again and place in your computer bag. Attempt to avoid an empty, despondent feeling every time you notice in there again.

14. Let it sit in said bag in hot weather for a week. Hot, as in, Redding, Ca., 108° hot weather. I don't know if this a necessary step, it's just what I happened to be doing.

15. Pack bags for the next morning's planned departure. Crash in bed when finished.

16. Have a vivid dream about someone's Kindle being dropped in a pool, in which you respond with "Oh, let me help. I have lots of experience saving electronics from water damage."

17. Wake up from said dream, having understood the message. Plug in and turn on your suddenly completely revived iPhone. Dance and cry and celebrate like an idiot.


Also, probably don't let your daughters go to the bathroom for tissues to wipe their faces while they are still playing games on, and holding, your iPhone.